Today’s prompt: “Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one’s daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don’t see?”

You asked me how things are going.

I said pretty good.

I didn’t know what else to say. 

Things aren’t going “bad”. I generally feel healthy. I don’t have any complications. I have had some disturbing lows and some uncomfortable highs. I felt nauseous, and dizzy, and disoriented, shaky, light headed, and weak, but I don’t feel that way now. I treated those highs and lows and I moved on with my life. 

Things aren’t going “great”. I’m frustrated. I’m confused. I’ve had enough. Sometimes I see my blood sugar go high and I don’t know why. I thought I did everything right, but yet there it goes, rising above 250, 300, 350. Ugh. Other times I kick myself because I forgot. I honestly got caught up in life and forgot to bolus until much later. That’s not an excuse, I know. But doc, it happens. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying! I know sometimes it doesn’t look that way from my numbers, but every day I try. 

You asked me about trends. Am I usually high around this time? Am I usually low?

Umm? Maybe?? You’re asking me to remember over 90 days of blood sugars, when I can barely remember yesterday’s. Yes. Sometimes I run high after dinner and before bed, but not always. Yes. I’ve been waking up low in the morning, but not always. It makes me sound like I don’t pay attention to my numbers, like I don’t care. That I don’t think about them. It’s not like that. My numbers are always on my mind.

I see my A1c. I know what you must be thinking. It is higher than you want, it’s higher than I want. But I do care. I care more than you’ll probably ever know. 

I’m not sure if you believe me, I think you want to. Yet, appointment after appointment we find ourselves in this same situation. Last appointment was great, a .8 drop in my A1c. Finally made it to the low 7’s. I’m not sure the next one will be so great. Don’t give up on me.

I don’t think my A1c is representative of how I view my diabetes. I don’t think it shows how much I do try and how much I do care. And all I hope is that you realize that too. Don’t use that number to label me in your mind. Yes, you can make generalizations about my self-management based on that number. But while my A1c may say a lot, it doesn’t say everything.