Last night, I made a bag of microwave kettle corn popcorn, measured out 3 cups into a bowl, rolled up the rest of the bag, and put it away.
I don’t think you guys realize how big of an accomplishment this was for me. I LOVE popcorn. And I don’t have a ton of willpower and discipline when it comes to cutting back on my snacking. It’s not that my snacking is out of control, but I am trying to drop a few pounds that have crept on, and the snacking and portion sizes are where I know I need to focus my efforts.
I enjoyed every last kernel of that popcorn. But that’s when the thoughts started. You know them, the kind of thoughts that try to convince you that you really should go finish the other half of that bag. Man, are these thoughts cunning. “You had a healthy dinner, you can afford those few extra calories.” “Today was leg day, you earned that popcorn girl!” “That bag is still hot, it’s not going to be nearly as good tomorrow, you should enjoy it now.” “Oh come on, it’s not like you have dessert every night, treat yourself.”
These thoughts were persistent! But I held my ground. To make a change, I had to change. I can’t give in to these kinds of thoughts and expect to make progress. I got up and made myself a cup of tea instead. And you know what, I was really proud of myself. I know that each decision like this and small amounts of calories that I don’t eat will add up over time.
But then it happened. A low blood sugar. And not just a small one, it was one of those crippling lows. The kind that you lay there feeling awful…and hungry. Of course this would happen tonight. So I treated the low with some fruit snacks and I waited. But the feeling wasn’t getting better and the arrows on my CGM continued to point downward. So I ate a few more fruit snacks. Eventually my blood sugar started to go back up, but that awful low feeling continued to linger.
How do you go through that and not feel defeated, and cheated, and mad?! I turned down that half a bag of popcorn, only to have that effort completely undermined by the need to treat a low blood sugar. And this happens all the time. I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard not to just give up because what’s the point? So often when I’m trying to cut back, I end up having to eat those calories to treat an unexpected low blood sugar. I feel like I’m having to fight double the battles any time I want to lose weight: the normal fight of making healthy food and portion choices, but also the fight against my diabetes and how it continues to make everything more difficult. And deep down, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to overcome both.
Between my daily inspirational calendar and the inspiring words of Autumn Calabrese during the workout program I’ve been doing, it’s hard not to internalize some of the quotes. “Nothing worth having comes easy.” “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” The message is clear, you can’t give up, even when things are hard. And if I have double the battles, I just have to work twice as hard.
I know what I have to do, now it’s just putting those words and thoughts into action…Easier said than done.
This stuff is amazing. One bag a night takes care of the crave.
Thanks! I’ll have to get that kind next time!
oh im all too familiar with the struggle. I need to go out and do some walk or jog and every day I come up with a new excuse….
You have done a great job.
I was diagnosed with T1 in 2013, when I was 62 years old. Even before that, I was always careful about what I ate because I was always prone to plumpness if I wasn’t. The constant use of insulin over the years has done a whammy on my weight and I have gained over 30 pounds and three dress sizes since then. And this is on a perpetual low carb diet, which is what we diabetics essentially have to maintain. My online research indicates that insulin does cause weight gain. My endocrinologist keeps denying it when I mention that and ask about prescribing Metformin, which I understand is useful in keeping blood sugar in check and results in weight loss for many people. I may be keeping myself alive by using insulin, but it’s a miserable existence. The perpetual weight gain has made me a less healthy and more stressed and unhappy person, when I cannot count on something I bought in year 1 still fitting me in Year 2. There is no room in my budget for new clothes every year or two. And I am now in the size bracket that rules out being able to find anything in consignment shops. Thanks for letting me vent.