The Voices in my Head

I have voices in my head. And I would argue that you do, too. I have an inner dialogue that to me is the voice of reason, logic, health and morality. It’s the voice that tells me to offer to help the woman who has her hands full as she tries to open the door, to help those that are less fortunate than I am by giving my time or money, to right the wrongs that I see happening, and to be an overall good person.

It’s the same voice that tells me that I should probably order the side salad instead of the fries, that I should turn off the TV and go workout, that one cookie is enough. Oh actually, it’s telling me that one bite is enough.

This voice is not always a popular one. After all, it’s usually telling me not to do something that is inherently pleasurable: eating unhealthy but delicious foods, sitting around being lazy, not drinking too much. Instead, it’s telling me to do something that isn’t always the most fun, easy to do, or popular: getting enough exercising, eating more vegetables, putting on sunscreen, wearing a seat belt or helmet, the list goes on. But what I have to remember is that this inner voice always has my best interest in mind.

The thing is though, I don’t always listen to this voice. I mean I try to, but I have my moments of weakness. This is especially true when it comes to food and my diabetes.

“You probably shouldn’t eat that, it’s going to make your blood sugar soar.”

“You are going to eat pizza now?? Your blood sugar is already high, what are you thinking?!”

“Pasta!? Tsk. Tsk.”

“DO NOT order that frozen coke. Walk away.”

Enough already. I get it. I’m probably not making the best choices all the time, but I know the consequences of my actions. It’s just hard to ignore that inner voice, especially when I’m staring at a table full of treats and just want to indulge.

Which is why what I’m about to tell you is maybe one of the only perks of having diabetes and the rare moment when my inner voice has no choice but to shut up:

Low blood sugar when you are right in front of a dessert table/bake sale/ice cream sundae bar/etc.

This rare event is the holy grail of type 1 diabetes. You see, when you have low blood sugar, your body needs sugar. It’s not a choice, it’s a medical necessity! And it just does not make sense (to me at least) to find glucose tablets or a glass of orange juice when there is a plethora of food items with the sugar that you need right in front of you. Which baked item to eat doesn’t become a pros and cons list of taste and size versus calorie consumption, it becomes the sustenance for survival. And my inner voice cannot not argue this fact. So for these rare occurrences, I take extreme pleasure in my inner silence and relish the permission to indulge.

Of course after a few bites, that inner voice begins to warn me not to overcompensate for the low, but those few indulgent moments are just so very sweet.

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One thought on “The Voices in my Head

  1. Oh, I know that voice all too well. And you can't win either way — either you walk away from the table still hungry and not satisfied, or you walk away guilty with a stubborn high blood sugar on the horizon. (Usually, in my case, french fries are the reason for that voice)

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