The few days before a dentist appointment, you’d think I have perfect dental hygiene. I’m not a regular flosser, but those days leading up to my dentist appointment, I floss twice a day and brush super well. For some reason, I convince myself that these few days of flossing will make up for all the days that I wasn’t as good over the past few months. I know that I won’t be able to get rid of the build up of plaque, but it makes me feel better knowing that at least I was good for the week before my appointment, whether it actually made a difference or not.
I have this same attitude when it comes to my quarterly endocrinology appointment. Even though my endo will be staring at my A1c number, a three month summary of my blood glucose numbers, I convince myself that if I’m really “good” for the week before the appointment, it won’t be as bad if my A1c is higher than I want.
“Yes, well 7.8 isn’t what I was going for, but look at how good my numbers have been the past week!”
So the 7-10 days before my appointment, I am extra vigilant. I test my bg more often. I stop swag (scientific wild ass guess) bolusing and am more accurate in my calculations. I try super hard to remember to pre bolus. And usually my blood sugars a week before my appointment are pretty good. Still not perfect, but typically better than other weeks. Since my doctor usually brings a printout of the past 2 weeks of my blood sugars, I feel better having at least one week of pretty good numbers even though that 1 week really won’t make much of a difference for my A1c. My doctor still sees the trends and helps me to adjust ratios and rates, and I feel like I have something positive to contribute to the conversations.
So the question then becomes, why don’t I pretend every week is the week before an endo appointment? Well I’m trying. It’s hard to maintain that constant level of vigilance. But yes, ideally that is the goal. It’s like the Tim McGraw song, “Live Like You Were Dying” except it should really be “Live Like Tomorrow is Your Endo Appointment.”
So tomorrow I have an appointment with my endo. If you recall, my last appointment was great. A .8 drop in my A1c to the low 7s, the lowest in years. Tomorrow’s appointment? I’m not hopeful. I can tell that it’s going to be higher this time, I’m just hoping it’s not too much higher. And I’ve been on vacation the past 4 days. That week of good blood sugars? Yeah not so good. Lots of spikes and dips and highs that take hours to come down.
So pretty much I’m not looking forward to tomorrow’s appointment at all. I’m nervous, anxious, disappointed, and slightly defeated. But probably most important, I’m still determined.