Feeling low

I buried my head in my pillow, the soft fabric muffling my frustrated screams. I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I was low. AGAIN. It seems to be the trend lately. My efforts to keep my blood sugars from spiking has resulted in more lows. Lows that seem unexpected because I really thought everything I was doing seemed right. Lows that have been incredibly disruptive, making me stop whatever activity I’m doing. Stubborn lows, that a couple glucose tablets don’t seem to solve. Lows that wake me up at night, lows that won’t go away, lows that leave me feeling awful. And upset. And frustrated.

I don’t want to treat the low. I’m tired of stuffing my face with sugar, not because I want it, but because I need it. I’m tired of working so hard in my workouts, only to have to later eat everything I burned off or sit out because I can’t continue with a low. I’m especially tired of eating when I’m not hungry and feeling awful while I wait for my blood sugar to stabilize.

I can see the extra weight creeping on, and I hate it. I hate that I don’t have a choice when I’m low. I hate that those forced extra 80 calories of my fruit snacks add up. I hate that insulin makes it harder to lose weight. I hate that these lows are often then leading to later highs, sending me on a blood sugar roller coaster. I hate not feeling my best.

I’ll talk to my doctor, I’ll make adjustments. We’ll work to get rid of these lows. But for now I just want to scream into my pillow and wish for the day when all of this will disappear. When sugar will just be sugar and not a substance that often feels like its controlling my life.

Some days, weeks, months are better than others. I’ll make it through this rut, I know I will, but today, right now, I really hate my diabetes.

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2 thoughts on “Feeling low

  1. I know the feeling. I'm sick of dealing with all of these lows too – and I'm reminded of it every time I need to replenish my supply of glucose tabs.

    Lately, I've taken to setting my predicted-low threshold on my CGM to give me a really early warning, enough so that (hopefully) I can suspend the basal soon enough so that I can avoid the low. To be honest, it hasn't worked — but I'm trying.

    Good luck – this can be incredibly frustrating.

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  2. Sending you hugs! You're not alone. Those times totaly suck, been there done that. I don't know what's worse, the lows that's won't go away and just keep coming back or the fact that like you said, eventually all that sugar kicks in and turns into hours of blood sugar spikes. I'm sorry you are struggling so. I hope you and your doc are able to get somthing figured out.

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