I’ve learned over the years that I’m someone that craves explanations. I want things to make sense, I want to know why something may have happened. I need logic.

Granted, I don’t always need to know exactly why something happened, sometimes we just don’t know, but I find myself still wanting to make an educated guess. And when there is a disconnect between what happens and a proposed explanation, I get frustrated. “That’s impossible! There’s no way that what you just said could have caused that.” Those close to me are all too familiar with my need for logical conclusions, and my irritated response when I’m not satisfied with the answer.

But I know we don’t always get answers. Why do bad things happen to good people? Life is random, mysterious, and unpredictable at times, it’s part of what makes it both devastating and exhilarating. In many cases I’m perfectly content with the explanation that sometimes things happen that there are no logical explanations for, it’s the universe at work.

My diabetes falls somewhere in the middle.

Too many times I’ve found myself frustrated with a high or low blood sugar, not understanding why it happened when it seemed that I did everything “right” to avoid it. I rack my brain trying to come up with a logical explanation, but sometimes there are just too many variables to consider. Was I really that far off in my carb counting? Is this a delayed effect from the exercise I did earlier? Is something wrong with the insulin? Is there a bend in the tubing? Is the insulin not being absorbed at the site? Am I getting sick? Am I stressed? So much to consider, I can’t always draw a one-to-one connection for a high or low.

Last week I was shocked to see a blood sugar that was over 500. A rare event, my first thought was why?? Well really it was “Oh f*ck” but then why did this happen?!? I ran through the list in my head as I tested my ketones, gave myself a shot, and changed my infusion set.

You don’t always get answers for everything in life. I’ve learned to accept it and move on with the information that is available.

But sometimes, when you’re lucky, you get exactly the explanation you need.

bent infusion set cannula blocking insulin from being delivered