If my relationship with Sugar were on Facebook, it would say “It’s Complicated”.
I’m not sure when Sugar and I first met, it seems like we’ve known each other forever. I hadn’t really paid too much attention to him when I was young, but I was always happy when he made an appearance. Sugar, or Sug for short, didn’t really come around too often. I think he was intimidated by my dentist dad and health conscious mom. He did however show up at birthday parties, holidays, and other special occasions. He and I always had a good time together, especially eating candy at the movies, cotton candy at the fair, and ice cream in the summer.
When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, my relationship with Sugar began to change, and has been evolving ever since. I think that was the first time I really took notice of him. He had that certain mix of sweet, yet dangerous. He’d make you feel good, but left you wanting more.
I couldn’t stay away.
Sug and I began to spend a lot of time together. When we weren’t together, he was constantly on my mind. There seemed to be two sides to him. On the one hand, he could always make me feel better when I was feeling low. I needed him, and he was always there for me. But on the other hand, when I spent too much time with him, he’d make me feel sick.
I know that Sug can be trouble. In the past few years he’s started showing up at the bar where I’d be hanging out with my friends.“He’s coming over,” my friends would tell me, “and he looks good!” He would approach the table with an invitation that is hard to refuse. Tripple sec, sour, orange juice, and cranberry juice. He was coming on strong tonight! He’d clearly already worked his magic on my friends, sometimes he could be so sweet that it was hard to say no to him. I eyed my other options, water, beer, vodka soda, but his smell was intoxicating. The thing about Sug is that you always have a good time with him, it isn’t until later that you begin to regret your decisions.
We often get into arguments. I tell him that I don’t want to hang out all the time with him and his friend Cal O’Rie, that the two of them are trouble when they are together. He accuses me of cheating on him with Complex Carbs, even though he knows it’s not the same. In the end though, we always apologize, we both know that we need each other.
My friends and family often try to tell me that he is bad for me. “Look at how he makes you feel, your relationship with him just isn’t healthy.” Sometimes they are right, he is bad for me. But even though our relationship is complicated, sometimes they seem so hypocritical. “How can you say that to me? I know you guys hung out last weekend. I saw the candy wrappers in the trash!” I would say. When they would tell me that I was better off without him, it just made me want to prove them wrong. “You don’t know what you are talking about, we just shared that piece of cake together and everything is fine!” At least I wanted it to be. It truly is a roller coaster when we are together, but we face those highs and lows together.
I know my friends and family just want what’s best for me, but they don’t know him the way I do! Sure Sug comes over to their houses disguised as a tub of ice cream or chocolate, and they say he helps them through their hard times and pain, but it’s not the same. No one can make me feel better the way he does, no one can take away my lows as fast, no one knows what it’s like to need Sugar that badly sometimes.
It’s hard to say if Sugar and I should be together or not. I know that he helps me, but he has the potential to hurt me as well. We have one of those relationships that other people might not understand and may not always be perfect, but in the end, it’s pretty sweet.