Tag Archives: resilience

What my diabetes has taught me about life’s rough patches

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There will be good days and there will be bad days. It’s inevitable. And it’s okay. The bad days are what help you appreciate the good ones.

Tomorrow is a new day. Each day is an opportunity to start over, to begin fresh. Yes, it may not be any better than the day before, but the positive potential is there. A day of bad blood sugars today doesn’t mean tomorrow will be bad too.

Some things are just out of your control. I can’t account for every high and low blood sugar, I can do everything “right” and it still in unpredictable. Same with life’s events. Some things you can’t control, but what you can control is your response and how you cope with it.

To feel better often takes effort. I’ve gone through burn out with my diabetes, where I just wanted to ignore it. To stop carb counting, bolusing, monitoring what I’m eating, stop thinking and just live. But you can’t, because you end up feeling worse. Rough patches will pass with time, but you don’t want to be stuck in a downward spiral of self-wallowing and unhealthy behaviors. Reaching out to others, getting enough sleep, getting out of the house and not eating only junk foods can help keep you from sinking further into despair.

Some things in life aren’t fair. They’re just not. And they suck. You can get angry or sad or frustrated. But at some point you have to accept it and move on the best you can. It’s not fair that I have an expensive, complicated, incurable chronic disease, but I do and life goes on.

People won’t always understand what you’re going through or know how to help.  Some people will try to help and be there for you, some people will say things that make you mad, some people will be ignorant. But most people have good intentions. If you need support, you can’t assume people know what to do or say. You need to be explicit.

There’s no quick fix. It takes time. It takes effort. It’s a life long process. Every single day with type 1 diabetes requires vigilance and care. There will continually be challenges and low points in life and while you can learn positive ways to cope, to be resilient, you can’t just snap your fingers and instantly feel better.

Your feelings are valid. We all have different responses to life’s events. Your response may be different than someone going through the same thing, but what you’re feeling is completely acceptable and normal. Own your experiences and your emotions and use them to fuel positive action.

You’ll get through this. You’re strong. You’ve made it through life’s challenges before. Yea, it may have been hard, you may have struggled and even failed. You may have needed help. There may have been tears. But you persevered. And you’ll get through this too.

 

Diabetes Blog Week Day 2- The other half

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Diabetes Blog Week

Today’s topic: We think a lot about the physical component of diabetes, but the mental component is just as significant. How does diabetes affect you or your loved one mentally or emotionally? How have you learned to deal with the mental aspect of the condition? Any tips, positive phrases, mantras, or ideas to share on getting out of a diabetes funk?

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I’ve experienced all the emotions above as well as many others. I have good days where I feel proud of my blood sugar control, encouraged by the support that I receive from my family, friends, and online, and optimistic about the future. And I have bad days where I feel frustrated by my roller coaster of blood sugars, tired of having to constantly think about and manage my diabetes, and fearful about future complications. And sometimes when the emotions get to be too much, I become indifferent and burnt out.

What helps me when I find myself in a funk is to have outlets where I can essentially vent. I know that when I blog about my frustrations, that I’m not alone, and that others have been there too and got through it. When I talk to friends and family, they may not completely understand what I’m going through, but they validate my feelings and listen to what I have to say.

Finally, there are 3 phrases or mantras that have really helped me find perspective and get through tougher times.

You can find more The Other Half of Diabetes posts here.

No excuses

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Ugh it’s been too long! I feel terrible for neglecting you for so long! A lot has happened that I want to tell you about, and I will…eventually. But I feel like I need to rewind to the first notable thing that happened since my last post.

About 2 months ago I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. This is not unusual, I have one every 3 months. But I knew this appointment would be different.

When I was younger, I used to say on the day of my endo appointment, “I’m going to the doctor to get yelled at today.” Now my doctor wouldn’t really yell at me, but I knew that I wasn’t doing that well and that they would in a nice and appropriate way, tell me to get my shit together.

I approached this appointment with a similar attitude. I was dreading the appointment. The previous three months were just not great. My numbers were all over the place, but mostly too high. Trust me I had my excuses ready…sicknesses, bent infusion sets, a bout of insomnia. But deep down I knew those really weren’t the reasons for three months of high numbers. It was more like apathy, laziness, and lack of discipline. I knew that really I only had myself to blame.

I got my A1c back. It was high. The highest its been in 3 years. In fact it was the same number that prompted me to start this blog in the first place and make some major changes.

I wasn’t surprised, but I was disheartened and disappointed.

My endo looked at me. “So what happened?”

My excuses were on the tip of my tongue. But I held back. I knew I had to take responsibility for my actions (and lack there of) and for the consequences of them.

“It’s just been a bad three months.”

She nodded. “Do you want to make some adjustments or do you want to try again?”

“I’ll try again.”

It wasn’t a good appointment. But I have to admit, in many ways I feel proud.

I’m proud of myself for not making excuses, I’m proud of myself for taking responsibility for my health. I’m proud of myself for only momentarily becoming discouraged, and instead vowing to “try again” and do better next time. I’m not proud of my A1c, but I know I’ll get back to what I was.

I found a quote online, “Every set back is a set up for a come back.” Well watch out, because I’m making a hell of a come back!

2015 Diabetes blog week Day 1- I can

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“What have you or your loved one accomplished, despite having diabetes, that you weren’t sure you could? Or what have you done that you’ve been particularly proud of? Or what good thing has diabetes brought into your life?”

My diabetes has given me knowledge and a need for understanding.

 

It has given me knowledge about an autoimmune disease and the various complicated pieces of managing it. It has taught me to truly understand my body and how I feel, what I need, and when something isn’t right. It has taught me the influences, interactions, and consequences of everything I do and its effects on my body and blood sugar, from food to exercise to stress. It has made me an expert in carbohydrates, a constant cruncher of numbers, and a person always seeking for answers, explanations, and ways to improve.  

My diabetes has given me empathy and gratitude.

 

Diabetes has given me a window into life with other illnesses and obstacles. Every disease is different and has its own set of challenges, but it has helped me to be empathetic towards everyone and what each person is going through. It has taught me to not be so quick to judge, to stop and consider what other people may be going through, even behind closed doors. It has given me an appreciation for the health and abilities that I have and gratitude for the way things are, as there are people that are not as fortunate. 

My diabetes has taught me to stand up for myself.

 

Between all the doctor’s visits, calls with the pharmacy and insurance company, nurses, and medical device customer service, I’ve learned to not put up with mistreatment and disrespect. I value my health and have learned that I don’t have to put up with people who don’t respect my time or my health. From switching doctors to getting the courage to ask for a manager on the phone, my diabetes has helped me be more assertive and in charge of my condition.

My diabetes has taught me about hard work, persistence, and discipline.

 

There are good days and there are bad. My diabetes has shown me the importance of having goals and that hard work usually pays off in the end. It has taught me that even when things aren’t going well, to stick with it, that tomorrow is a new day full of new numbers and new experiences. It’s taught me to not give up, despite the frustrations, challenges, and fatigue of caring for my diabetes. I’m strong enough to get through today, and the next day, and the next.

My diabetes has given me direction, purpose, and a voice.

 

My diabetes has led me into the field of public health and my career in health communication. My diabetes has helped me become an advocate for a cause I believe in. It has given me volunteer opportunities and led me to my position on the JDRF Young Leaders Committee. It has given me a voice through my blog and has led me to amazing people who I’ve shared my story with. My diabetes has given me a community. It has given me a sense of belonging, and my connections have inspired me in my own care. My diabetes has given me a platform to make positive change in the lives of others as we all work together to find a cure.

InsomniAHHH!

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It’s truly amazing what our bodies can get used to. And for once, I’m not talking about diabetes…well not yet at least.

For the past 6 weeks I’ve been struggling with insomnia. I know that in the scheme of life, there are much, much worse things to have to deal with- tragedies, deaths, fatal illnesses, etc. I’m grateful that it’s nothing of the sort, but putting aside these more horrific life events, insomnia is probably next on my list of things I hoped I would never have to deal with.
You see I love my sleep. And for the past 26 years, I’ve been an superb sleeper. Getting at least 8 hours of sleep has always been incredibly important to me. I often prioritize my sleep over fun. It was a running joke among my roommates back in undergrad that when I couldn’t remember a particular crazy story that they were recounting they would say, “Oh, you were probably sleeping.” And it was true. My sleep was and still is that important to me.
And when I didn’t get my 8 hours, I suffered. I would feel foggy, dizzy, sometimes even shaky. I would get headaches and just overall feel slow and out of it. And I would feel this way with 7 hours of sleep. I know it’s crazy since that’s more sleep than most people get normally. But I was just so used to getting high quality sleep that anything less was noticeable.
Six weeks ago, I had a string of a couple bad nights. I would wake up at 5 am and not be able to fall back asleep. I would become anxious that I wasn’t sleeping and worrying about how miserable I’d be the next day and my body would start to feel electric. Pretty soon I got caught in a vicious cycle where even thinking about sleeping made me anxious. My normal oasis of a bed became associated with restless sleep. Now it would sometimes take me hours to fall asleep, or I’d wake up at 3 and not be able to fall back asleep. My 8 hours of sleep became 4 hours of sleep, to sometimes no sleep at all.
I wish I could tell you that I’m better now, that things are back to normal, but they’re not. After talking with a sleep disorder expert who happens to be in my family and taking online sleep programs, I have a plan and have been making progress, but I still have nights that I just can’t sleep.
While my diabetes isn’t directly related to these sleep problems, it hasn’t been making it any easier. It’s truly awful to have finally calmed down enough to start to doze off only to be jarred awake by the buzzing of my CGM or by the symptoms of a low. And while I know this isn’t a good solution, I’ve been letting my blood sugars run on the higher side at night just to avoid an extra middle of the night wake up. However, this plan has backfired when I wake up having to go to the bathroom from the high blood sugars instead.
This insomnia experience, although probably one of the more exhausting things I’ve had to deal with (haha, get it?), has also reminded me a lot of when I was first diagnosed with diabetes. I remember this feeling of being so overwhelmed, of wondering how I’d get through each day. I remember being constantly anxious of the unknown and worrying if I would be able to handle the challenges of the new diagnosis. But I did it, I got through each day. And I’m doing it now. As the weeks have gone by, I know that I can get through my work day on minimal sleep. It’s not ideal, but my body can handle it. I can handle it.
I know my insomnia, unlike my diabetes, is temporary (although hopefully a cure changes that too). But my diabetes has shown me that I can handle life’s challenges. That a bad day of blood sugars doesn’t mean that tomorrow will be bad too. A bad night of sleep doesn’t mean that I won’t be functional tomorrow. Our bodies are made to be resilient. We must choose if our minds will follow the example.

When life hands you lemons…

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My sister recently found out that she may have Celiac Disease.

As directed, she has completely cut gluten from her diet. While more and more gluten-free options are becoming available both in restaurants and grocery stores, it’s still a diagnosis that comes with its own set of challenges. I’ve watched her as she’s adjusted to this major lifestyle change. I’ve watched her grapple with finding something she can eat on a menu, watched her reluctantly turn down food at an event, watched her patiently pace the aisles looking for the gluten-free options or alternatives to her favorite recipes. It hasn’t been easy, but she has risen to the challenge with tremendous strength, discipline, and optimism.

I truly admire how she has stayed so positive despite having to give up or modify so many of her favorite foods. How she’s taken on the added responsibility of checking every food label and having the discipline to turn down what she knows she can’t have. How she’s gone from having the freedom and ease of choosing essentially any food to having much more limited options. Through all this, she’s faced this change courageously, head on, and hasn’t let it get her down.

I admire what she’s had to do even more because I’ve been so reluctant to make my own dietary changes even though I know it would help me. While I know that she doesn’t really have a choice if she wants to avoid doing damage to her intestines, she still doesn’t complain. I know I should eat less carbs, I know I should cut back on sugar. I know it would help tremendously to stabilize my blood sugars, to lessen my insulin intake. I know it would benefit my overall health, but I haven’t made those changes to what I eat.

I look at what she’s doing and I find it inspiring and motivating. It hasn’t been easy for her, but she’s doing it and using it as an opportunity to grow. As she said to me, “I think of it as a challenge, as a way to stay healthy, learn new foods I might not be used to eating, and definitely learn to cook better with the foods I can eat.” In many ways she’s given me hope that when I finally decide to make (less significant) changes, that I too can do it. And with so many people with both type 1 diabetes and celiacs successfully balancing both, I know that when I’m ready, I will have plenty of resources and inspiration within the DOC too.

No one asks for these types of challenges. Whether it’s balancing blood sugars on a daily basis or completely eliminating a protein composite from your diet, life is full of obstacles. It’s how you approach them that makes the difference.

I’m lucky to have such motivating, positive, and strong role models in my life. People who when handed lemons, they make amazing gluten-free lemon bars with almond crust!

Feeling low

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I buried my head in my pillow, the soft fabric muffling my frustrated screams. I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I was low. AGAIN. It seems to be the trend lately. My efforts to keep my blood sugars from spiking has resulted in more lows. Lows that seem unexpected because I really thought everything I was doing seemed right. Lows that have been incredibly disruptive, making me stop whatever activity I’m doing. Stubborn lows, that a couple glucose tablets don’t seem to solve. Lows that wake me up at night, lows that won’t go away, lows that leave me feeling awful. And upset. And frustrated.

I don’t want to treat the low. I’m tired of stuffing my face with sugar, not because I want it, but because I need it. I’m tired of working so hard in my workouts, only to have to later eat everything I burned off or sit out because I can’t continue with a low. I’m especially tired of eating when I’m not hungry and feeling awful while I wait for my blood sugar to stabilize.

I can see the extra weight creeping on, and I hate it. I hate that I don’t have a choice when I’m low. I hate that those forced extra 80 calories of my fruit snacks add up. I hate that insulin makes it harder to lose weight. I hate that these lows are often then leading to later highs, sending me on a blood sugar roller coaster. I hate not feeling my best.

I’ll talk to my doctor, I’ll make adjustments. We’ll work to get rid of these lows. But for now I just want to scream into my pillow and wish for the day when all of this will disappear. When sugar will just be sugar and not a substance that often feels like its controlling my life.

Some days, weeks, months are better than others. I’ll make it through this rut, I know I will, but today, right now, I really hate my diabetes.