Ugh it’s been too long! I feel terrible for neglecting you for so long! A lot has happened that I want to tell you about, and I will…eventually. But I feel like I need to rewind to the first notable thing that happened since my last post.
About 2 months ago I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. This is not unusual, I have one every 3 months. But I knew this appointment would be different.
When I was younger, I used to say on the day of my endo appointment, “I’m going to the doctor to get yelled at today.” Now my doctor wouldn’t really yell at me, but I knew that I wasn’t doing that well and that they would in a nice and appropriate way, tell me to get my shit together.
I approached this appointment with a similar attitude. I was dreading the appointment. The previous three months were just not great. My numbers were all over the place, but mostly too high. Trust me I had my excuses ready…sicknesses, bent infusion sets, a bout of insomnia. But deep down I knew those really weren’t the reasons for three months of high numbers. It was more like apathy, laziness, and lack of discipline. I knew that really I only had myself to blame.
I got my A1c back. It was high. The highest its been in 3 years. In fact it was the same number that prompted me to start this blog in the first place and make some major changes.
I wasn’t surprised, but I was disheartened and disappointed.
My endo looked at me. “So what happened?”
My excuses were on the tip of my tongue. But I held back. I knew I had to take responsibility for my actions (and lack there of) and for the consequences of them.
“It’s just been a bad three months.”
She nodded. “Do you want to make some adjustments or do you want to try again?”
“I’ll try again.”
It wasn’t a good appointment. But I have to admit, in many ways I feel proud.
I’m proud of myself for not making excuses, I’m proud of myself for taking responsibility for my health. I’m proud of myself for only momentarily becoming discouraged, and instead vowing to “try again” and do better next time. I’m not proud of my A1c, but I know I’ll get back to what I was.
I found a quote online, “Every set back is a set up for a come back.” Well watch out, because I’m making a hell of a come back!