Category Archives: type 1 diabetes

My blog is 1 year!

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In two days my blog will be 1 year old. It’s hard to believe that it has already been a year! I was going to wait until the actual day for this post, but with Thankgivingkah coming up, I figured this post can come a couple days early.

I started thinking back to why I started this blog in the first place. There are a few reasons, some related to my diabetes, and some that are not. It was days after a visit with my endocrinologist with an A1c of 8.0. I knew something had to change. I wanted a way to hold myself accountable, to learn from others in how they live and manage diabetes, but also to share my own trials and errors.

A year ago, I was deep into the job searching. I had a couple part time freelance jobs, but I was looking for something full time. Since my interest is in health communication, I felt that a blog would be a perfect way to not only practice my writing and apply my education, but to then be able to share my blog with potential employers and be able to talk about it during interviews.

I remember my first few posts and the overwhelmingly positive response from my friends and family at my chosen endeavor. I started off writing for them, writing to people that don’t have diabetes themselves, but may like to know more or know more about my life. I was writing for my public health colleagues and classmates, providing insight into chronic disease management from the patient perspective. But I was also writing hoping to appeal to the other people with diabetes or those who have family members with diabetes. I wanted them to know me, and I wanted to know and learn about and from them as well.

I dove into the diabetes online community (DOC), reading countless other blogs, forums, websites and discussion boards. I created a twitter account and started following other PWD. I started seeing comments on my blogs and was excited when they were from people that I didn’t know or that I recognized from other diabetes blogs. However, it wasn’t until I participated in Diabetes Blog Week and Diabetes Art Day that things really started to take off.

In the past year, I’ve had the honor of having a few of my blog posts voted Best of the Betes’ Blog for the month in the category of humor and advocacy. I had the pleasure of meeting people I knew from the DOC in real life at a JDRF sponsored conference. I was invited to speak on a panel to teens about living with type 1 diabetes which then led to my involvement with my local JDRF Young Leaders Committee. Some highlights of this past year was being recognized by a stranger because of my blog and then more recently, having my Diabetes Art Day artwork printed in the December issue of Diabetic Living Magazine. But probably the most rewarding part of this past year is the positive response that I have received by people who read my blog. Every “I love your blog” or “I read your blog every week” means so much to me. Every comment left on a post is a connection with someone out there that I am so grateful for. If my blog helps one person, makes one person smile or feel less alone, to me it’s worth it.

So back to my diabetes. Over the course of this year, my A1c went from 8.0 to 7.2 then 6.7, 7.0, and as of a few days ago, 7.3. I look at those numbers and I’m incredibly proud of myself. The 6.7 and 7.0 are some of the lowest A1c scores that I’ve had in years! I’m happy at my progress and at knowing that my hard work paid off. But I also look at it and get a little discouraged, especially the 7.3. It’s hard because I didn’t feel like the past 3 months were that different than the 3 before, yet it went up by .3. It’s hard to know what exactly I need to do differently, what am I doing that isn’t enough? It’s a never ending struggle, but I know that I have to be proud of the progress that I made in just 1 year.

So what about the jobs? In the past year, I got an amazing 5 month full time internship at a hospital system working with an infant mortality reduction program. During that time I also started a part-time freelance position writing articles for wellness newsletters. When my internship ended, I began a new freelance position within the same hospital system, while balancing up to 3 other part time freelance jobs. And then finally, as of last Friday, I was offered a full time job in the wonderful city of my alma mater, Ann Arbor. It’s been a crazy year of jobs, but it all led me to where I needed to be. I know my blog helped, as people that I interviewed with would mention that they read it and enjoyed it.

It’s been a year of:

  • 4 promising A1cs
  • 92 published blog posts
  • Over 2100 unique visitors to my blog 
  • blog visits from around the world (51 countries to be exact, but majority coming from the US, Canada, the UK and Australia)
  • 5 “new” jobs
  • And a year of new connections, both online and off.

So thank you to everyone who has supported me this past year and for reading, commenting, sharing, “liking”, and complimenting my blog. It truly means so much to me. With so much that has happened this past year, I can’t wait to see what the next year will bring!
Here are a few of my favorite past blog posts:
The One I can’t Live Without
Numbers and Motivation
Valentine’s Day Diabetes Pick Up Lines
My Diabetes Gave Me That
Why is Diabetes So Funny?
My Sister’s Letter
Dear Gigi, From Management
Reaching a Milestone
Diaversamitzvah
Sleep Walking has Nothing on Low Walking

Dating a Diabetic

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T-shirt design from
 http://type1diabetesmemes.spreadshirt.com/

Everyone brings certain things into a relationship. You bring your lessons, your experiences, and your expectations. You bring emotional issues from your past, but also an excitement and hope for the future.  You bring your vulnerability and your best self. But having diabetes means that you bring that too.

I’m sure everyone is different when it comes to when they bring up the fact they have diabetes. For me, if the guy doesn’t already know, the topic comes up pretty quickly. “What do you do?” is followed by a description of my current job followed by “and I write a blog.” That statement is naturally followed by “what do you blog about?” Whether I like it or not, diabetes is a big part of my life and requires a lot of attention. It’s important that whoever I am dating understands what it means to have and manage diabetes, and the sooner they know that, the better. So I decided to put together a short list,  6 tips for dating this diabetic. As all diabetics deal with their diabetes differently, I cannot generalize this list to all type 1 diabetics. Maybe these tips apply to you, but maybe they don’t. But if you do ever find yourself dating a T1D, it might help to keep these in mind.

Tips for Dating A Diabetic From a Diabetic:

1. Don’t assume I can’t eat something with sugar in it. I appreciate the concern, but let me tell you what I can and cannot eat. If you’re not sure, you can ask me. However, I prefer “Can you eat that?” to “You can’t eat that, right?” And if I say no to that dessert or piece of pizza, it doesn’t always have to do with my diabetes. There are other reasons I turn down food, you know, because I don’t like it or I’m trying to watch my girlish figure.

2. I know part of dating is finding common ground, but if I tell you I have diabetes, please don’t regale me with tales of your grandma or her friend who also had diabetes and then had to have her foot amputated. Or that went blind, or who died. Seriously.

3. I can joke about my diabetes (a privilege of living with it). When we get to know each other better, maybe you can joke about it too. But until then, diabetes isn’t a joke. And I’m not going to find your jokes funny. I promise you won’t have diabetes when you finish that ice cream sundae.

4. When I say I don’t feel well, it’s (usually) not an attempt to get out of a date. Low and high blood sugars can leave me feeling pretty icky, but the feelings usually pass. Is there anything you can do? Probably not. But understand that maybe we need to sit for a little longer until I feel better and can drive or that we need to stop while I test and treat my blood sugar. Maybe we end up being late. You have to be okay with that. But also remember that sometimes when I don’t feel well it has nothing to do with my diabetes.

5. I think that when dating someone with diabetes, it’s important to plan ahead, but also be flexible. Depending on my blood sugar, sometimes I have to shift things around such as eating earlier or later than planned.  We may have to switch from our plan for pizza if my blood sugar is too high. If you know we’re going to be out for a long time, give me a heads up so that I can make sure I have enough insulin/supplies/snacks/etc. I’m all for spontaneity, but I just need to make sure that I’m prepared.

6. Don’t be a prick. I get enough of those each day.

I thought it would be interesting to provide some tips from the perspective of someone dating a person with diabetes. Rather than ask my exes, I found a good list on the American Diabetes Association’s website that I wanted to include here. 

From the Other Side: Tips on Dating a Person with Diabetes

1. Learn as much as you can. The more you know, the better you can understand the physical and emotional experiences of your partner. It helps to share that common bond and provides comfort to your partner in discussing his/her feelings if they are going through extreme shifts in their blood sugar levels for example.

2. Offer to become involved. Gauging how involved you should become in your partner’s blood glucose and meal planning can be difficult. Some partners might not want that much involvement, and others do. However, offering that support shows you care and can provide your partner an emotional lift. Sometimes I inquire about what my girlfriend’s glucose reading is after a test. If it is low, then I will offer to help her find something to eat or drink. If it is too high, then I know not to suggest having a meal right away.

3. Be flexible surrounding meals. I generally eat on a structured schedule – breakfast before going to work, lunch around 11:30 and dinner when I get home from work. However, one with diabetes might not always be able to eat on such a structured schedule; it may depend on his/her blood glucose level at the particular time. In my relationship I have learned to be more flexible in my meal/snack schedule, but we have also communicated that to each other that if one person is hungry and the other isn’t (or can’t eat at that particular time), then it is acceptable to go our separate ways.

You can also throw in some diabetes pick up lines for a good laugh 😉

Do you have any tips to share either as a person with diabetes or someone who has dated one? I’d love to hear them.

World Diabetes Day

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Today is World Diabetes Day.

I got dressed this morning and put on my blue sweater (the blue circle is the global symbol for diabetes) tucked into my pencil skirt. Like most of my skirts, there are no pockets. Where am I going to put my pump today? I can put it in the strap around my leg, then no one will notice it. But it’s uncomfortable to sit all day at my desk like that. I can clip it to the outside of my skirt, but I don’t really like when it shows. I can clip it to the waist band of my tights under my skirt, but is it the square lump noticeable?

Today is World Diabetes Day.

It’s been 2 days that I’ve gone without Gigi and I miss it terribly. I called Dexcom 2 weeks ago to order new sensors. However they informed me that I need a prescription refill from my doctor before the order could go through. They sent a fax to my doctor. Days went by with no response so they faxed it again. A week later, they still had not received anything back. I called my doctor’s office to inquire about the hold up. “It’s not even in your file that you are using Dexcom. What is it exactly that you need.” Uh seriously?! The woman didn’t know what to do so I asked again for the fax number to use and who I should have them fax to. I called back Dexcom with the new information. Another 2 days with no response. I called my doctor again and was finally transferred to someone else who understood and said that she would get to the bottom of it. I’m still waiting for the prescription so that my sensors can be shipped and I can start wearing Gigi again. You’d think a diabetes doctor’s office would have this down by now.

Today is World Diabetes Day.

There are people all over the world living with diabetes, type 1 and type 2. In fact, 382 million people have diabetes worldwide, that’s more than the entire population of the United States! By 2035 this number is expected to rise to 592 million! I complain about not having somewhere to place my insulin pump or that I have to wait a few extra weeks for an incredible glucose monitoring device that my insurance is willing to pay for. There are people around the world living with the same disease as me who may not even have access to insulin, the most basic necessity to live with this disease. They may not have insurance or a way to pay for the test strips, syringes, meters, medications, or doctor’s visits, let alone a pump or CGM. Then what happens if complications arise from  the sub optimal care as a result of not having access to these necessities? There are millions of people around the world that don’t have access to the care that they need and deserve! They don’t have the same education and prevention that we often take for granted. Did you know that 1 in 2 people with diabetes don’t even know they have it?! How can they then be expected to get the proper care? Everyone with diabetes has a different experience, but everyone deserves access to the proper care for a healthy life and future.

This year’s World Diabetes Day slogan is, Diabetes: Protect our Future. The campaign is working to strengthen recognition among the public that diabetes is a global health threat with serious and far-reaching consequences that affect us all. Diabetes is on the rise around the globe, but there are steps that we can take now to prevent type 2 from developing and to help those who have diabetes manage it. Prevention starts with education and awareness. Hopefully a cure is not far behind.

For more information about World Diabetes Day visit: http://www.idf.org/worlddiabetesday/

Image from http://www.idf.org/worlddiabetesday/

The T1D For a Day Text Challenge

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November is National Diabetes Awareness Month and there are many initiatives that are working to increase education and bring awareness to diabetes. It is the hope that these efforts will bring us that much closer to finding a cure. While diet, exercise, and insulin are all important for managing diabetes, there is still no cure for diabetes.
So today I wanted to talk about a certain campaign by the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) called the T1D for a day Text Challenge. The purpose of the challenge is to experience what it is like to have type 1 diabetes for 24 hours through a series of text messages from professional snowboarder, Sean Busby. Sean has had T1D for 9 years and has back country snowboarded on 6 continents. Each of his text messages are meant to show what it’s like to manage glucose testing, insulin injections, and the food choices that a person with type 1 diabetes requires each day.
When I saw this campaign, I was curious what the texts would be like so I signed up to participate. Living with diabetes is so engrained into my life that I wanted to see how someone would communicate what it’s like through these text messages. When you aren’t counting carbs and giving insulin, you’re checking your blood sugar and anticipating what might happen based on the activity you are going to be doing. Do you give more insulin? Do you take a snack? Is it rising, dropping, staying level? The day is filled with constant calculations. How would the texts portray this?
Over the course of 24 hours, I received texts from Sean Busby, and I have to say, I think he did a great job with this challenge. Through the series of texts, you really do see how much thought goes into taking care of your diabetes, with constant glucose checks, giving insulin before meals, and treating highs and lows. There are 2 points of the challenge that I really appreciated. First, he talks about how adrenaline and stress can raise blood sugar, a point that many people may not know who don’t have diabetes. It isn’t just food that can affect blood sugar. The second point is that he goes low in the middle of the night and sure enough, I got a text during the night to tell me. This is something that happens all the time to me, being woken up from low blood sugars and sometimes even high ones.I appreciated that this was incorporated into the challenge, making it feel more authentic.
It was also really interesting to see what a typical day is like for a professional snowboarder, but I won’t go into details because I think that you should sign up and see for yourself!
For someone who doesn’t have diabetes themselves or doesn’t live or interact regularly with someone who does, I think this campaign is a really great way to get a glimpse into the life of a T1D. And even if you do have T1D like me, I still found it interesting. But what you won’t get from these texts are the feelings associated with that low blood sugar. The shaky, lightheaded feeling that makes it hard to concentrate and leaves you in a sweat, is missing. The nauseous and gross feeling of a high blood sugar that makes you have to pee all the time, is missing. The fear of wondering if you correctly gave the right amount of insulin for the restaurant meal that you ate and really have no idea exactly how many carbs it was, is missing. The anxiety of always having what you need at the time that you need it no matter where you are, is missing. But without having diabetes yourself, you will never know exactly what it is like, but by participating in this text challenge, you may begin to understand.
Signing up is super easy: Text T1D4ADAY to 63566. You can text Stop to unsubscribe and text Help for help. You’ll get a lot of text messages during that day and they may get annoying, but hey, living with diabetes is pretty annoying at times too so I encourage you to stick through it.
Here’s the website: http://jdrf.org/blog/2013/take-the-t1d-for-a-day-text-challenge/

Youtube video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2sbe_f9oGM

So take the challenge! Learn a little bit more what it’s like to live with and manage this chronic condition. Awareness and education are among the first steps to finding a cure for type 1 diabetes!

The Diabetes Spooktacular

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I love Halloween. Not because of the candy, I love Halloween because of the opportunity to be creative when it comes to costumes. I love to make my Halloween costumes each year and I get really into it. People’s reactions to my costumes is the true reward for all the time and effort. This year, I wanted to extend the costumes to a new subject, my diabetes.

Let’s meet the monsters:

Dracula
Glucose meter

“I vant to suck your blood!”

That’s all I could think about when I decided to dress my glucose meter up as Dracula. I mean isn’t that really all a glucose meter really wants, lots of blood? This Dracula’s prefers to have blood that has the perfect amount of glucose, not too much and not too little.

The Mummy
Insulin Pump

Keeping my diabetes “under wraps” or making sure things are “all wrapped up”. I decided to dress my insulin pump up as a mummy. It was also kind of playing off of the idea of preserving organs and the fact that my pancreas is not preserved in its original working form (yea, that part was kind of a stretch).

Ghost
Continuous Glucose Monitor

I decided to dress Gigi, my CGM, up as a ghost because it seems like my CGM is always disappearing and then randomly showing up. I love how the ghost “glows” with the light of the meter shining through.

Wishing everyone a very spooky Halloween! May your sweet tooth be satisfied and your blood sugar stay in range!

Revolving Relationships

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I have various relationships to my diabetes, relationships that seem to constantly be changing. When you live with a chronic condition, a 24/7 job, you’re bound to have different feelings towards it throughout the day, week, or your life. Here are a few of the relationships I  have with my diabetes:

The Annoying Sibling– There are days when it feels like my diabetes is being purposefully bothersome, pestering me and getting under my skin the way only a sibling can. It’s days when you are in a rush, running late, and then you get a “no delivery” sign on your pump. Or you’re out shopping and need to test your blood sugar and realize that your test strips must have fallen out back at your house. Not the end of the world, but annoying none the less. It’s the times when you just want to tell diabetes, “Leave me alone! Go annoy someone else for a while!”

The Obligatory Friendship- I think there are people in everyone’s lives that you are friendly to because you have to be or because you want to be nice. It could be a work relationship, a person that you’ve grown up with, or even a family member. You put up with that person because you have to, but it doesn’t mean that you necessarily enjoy your time spent with them. You just know that they aren’t going anywhere so you might as well make the best of it. Until there is a real cure, I’m stuck with my diabetes. And while there are moments when the familiarity is comforting, I would not say that I enjoy the time spent with my diabetes. I just try to make the best of it.

The Stubborn Child- I had the pleasure of dealing with this relationship this past weekend. I had a high blood sugar that for hours would not budge. I spent the night constantly giving more insulin, waiting for some sign that I was in the clear. But my diabetes decided to be stubborn. I would see the arrows on my CGM head downward, only to plateau at a level still too high. I felt like I was yelling to a child, “Get down from there right now! Are you listening to me? I’m going to count to 3.” And then my number would come down a little bit, enough that it was still following directions, but not enough to be helpful. “You stop that, you cannot be that high! Come down right this instant!” Then just to prove a point, my number did come down, and down and down. It dropped below 55 and despite waking up 3 times during the night to treat it, it stayed low. I could hear it saying, “You wanted me to come down. Well I’m down now, you got what you wanted.” Ugh, so infuriating sometimes!
The Coach- Living with a chronic condition has taught me a lot of different things and in many ways it has helped shape who I am today. It’s taught me about persistence, responsibility, perseverance, hope, determination, independence, and about taking an active role in my health and my life. Sometimes my diabetes acts like a coach, pushing me when times get tough. “You can do this, you’ve dealt with worse.” “Don’t give up, there’s hope yet.” Managing diabetes is not easy, but living with it has helped me grow in many ways that I am truly thankful for.

The Popular Friend- We all have or know that person that everyone seems to want to hang out with. When you’re with them, you get invited to the best parties, you get drinks sent to you at the bar, you feel like you’re on the inside and everyone wants to be your friend. Your association with this person is your ticket, and you are glad to be along for the ride. It’s odd to think of my diabetes this way, but there are times when it is my golden ticket. Ticket to what exactly? It’s hard to say. Sometimes it’s being able to relate and connect to someone in a way that others can’t. “Oh wow, that must have been so hard to grow up with (fill in with some autoimmune disease/chronic condition/difficult illness/food or physical restriction/other)! I can’t imagine what you must have gone through, but growing up with type 1 diabetes, I know that it’s not easy.” Having type 1 diabetes has been my ticket to the DOC (diabetes online community), a community of such supportive, informative, and inspiring people that I feel lucky to be a part of. It has led me to diabetes related events, causes, committees, and friendships that I otherwise may have never been involved with. This popular friend has been the subject of many school essays, interview questions, and hey, it even has a blog dedicated to it!

The Distant Roommate– Luckily, I spend most of my time in this last type of relationship. Yes, we spend a lot of time in each other’s business, but we’ve for the most part figured out a system that works for both of us. We live our lives intertwined, but without too many issues. We’re respectful of each other’s needs, we keep our distance when we need to, and even though we may not be friends, or even like each other sometimes, we still find a way to make it through together.

What kind of relationship do you have?


Disclaimer: this post was written in the abstract. It does not refer to any particular person in my life, but is instead meant as an archetype of possible relationships that may exist for others. 


The Voices in my Head

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I have voices in my head. And I would argue that you do, too. I have an inner dialogue that to me is the voice of reason, logic, health and morality. It’s the voice that tells me to offer to help the woman who has her hands full as she tries to open the door, to help those that are less fortunate than I am by giving my time or money, to right the wrongs that I see happening, and to be an overall good person.

It’s the same voice that tells me that I should probably order the side salad instead of the fries, that I should turn off the TV and go workout, that one cookie is enough. Oh actually, it’s telling me that one bite is enough.

This voice is not always a popular one. After all, it’s usually telling me not to do something that is inherently pleasurable: eating unhealthy but delicious foods, sitting around being lazy, not drinking too much. Instead, it’s telling me to do something that isn’t always the most fun, easy to do, or popular: getting enough exercising, eating more vegetables, putting on sunscreen, wearing a seat belt or helmet, the list goes on. But what I have to remember is that this inner voice always has my best interest in mind.

The thing is though, I don’t always listen to this voice. I mean I try to, but I have my moments of weakness. This is especially true when it comes to food and my diabetes.

“You probably shouldn’t eat that, it’s going to make your blood sugar soar.”

“You are going to eat pizza now?? Your blood sugar is already high, what are you thinking?!”

“Pasta!? Tsk. Tsk.”

“DO NOT order that frozen coke. Walk away.”

Enough already. I get it. I’m probably not making the best choices all the time, but I know the consequences of my actions. It’s just hard to ignore that inner voice, especially when I’m staring at a table full of treats and just want to indulge.

Which is why what I’m about to tell you is maybe one of the only perks of having diabetes and the rare moment when my inner voice has no choice but to shut up:

Low blood sugar when you are right in front of a dessert table/bake sale/ice cream sundae bar/etc.

This rare event is the holy grail of type 1 diabetes. You see, when you have low blood sugar, your body needs sugar. It’s not a choice, it’s a medical necessity! And it just does not make sense (to me at least) to find glucose tablets or a glass of orange juice when there is a plethora of food items with the sugar that you need right in front of you. Which baked item to eat doesn’t become a pros and cons list of taste and size versus calorie consumption, it becomes the sustenance for survival. And my inner voice cannot not argue this fact. So for these rare occurrences, I take extreme pleasure in my inner silence and relish the permission to indulge.

Of course after a few bites, that inner voice begins to warn me not to overcompensate for the low, but those few indulgent moments are just so very sweet.

The Case of the Missing CGM

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Gigi was no where to be found!

This is not good. Not good at all. Now I have to be honest, I’m not always the best at looking for lost items. My mom used to tell me not to bother her to help until I had really looked for something three times first. But this just wasn’t one of those times. I was sure of it.
I was getting ready to retire for the night and realized that I had no idea where my CGM was. My first thought was to check my bags. I had a kickball game that night so I checked my kickball bag, I checked my purse, and I checked the bag that held my clothes from changing after work. I checked all my pockets, in my pants and jackets. I couldn’t find it in any of them. I walked over to the couch thinking it may have fallen into the cracks. I lifted all the cushions, but no luck. 
I checked all the counters, I checked the garbage, I went outside and checked my car. It was lost. 
What if it fell out of my bag at kickball?! I don’t really remember taking it out of my bag, but what if it’s lying on the grass somewhere? Or maybe it fell out when I was walking to the car! Would someone pick it up? What would they do with it? 
So far I’ve been really good at keeping track at my medical devices. Granted the pump is connected to me so it’s a little difficult to lose, but I’ve managed to hold on to all my meters and supplies over the years. This just wasn’t like me.
I carried all my bags to my room, checking them all a second time. It felt weird to go to sleep without Gigi on my nightstand, but I had a plan. Most nights I hear Gigi vibrating from either having a high or low blood sugar. I would just wait until I heard it vibrate and then figure out where the noise was coming from. And if I didn’t hear it, then I would know it’s not in my room. 
The next morning, I awoke refreshed from an undisturbed night of sleep. I never heard Gigi go off. It couldn’t possibly be in my room. Now I was really starting to get worried. Where could it be?! There are only certain places where I keep my CGM, and it wasn’t in any of those places. I did one more sweep of my house. I was getting ready to walk out the door for work, without Gigi. I stopped to write a note for my family to see, “Can’t find my CGM, help!” 
I would just have to go through the day without Gigi and look again later. I reached my hand into the small outside pocket where I keep my keys, but it wasn’t my keys I grabbed. Gigi!! It must have fallen into that pocket by mistake. I looked through this bag 3 times, how did I miss it?! Relieved and a little embarrassed by my inept searching skills (*sigh* you were right, mom), I crumbled up the note. 
So it was in my bag the whole time. But why didn’t I hear it vibrate that night?
This is why:
Of course I would have a night of great blood sugars the one time I actually wanted it to vibrate! I’m just glad it wasn’t lost! Also, maybe I need to work on my searching skills…

A Melody of Hope

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I know my beeps. I know my beeps similar to the way a parent can recognize the cry of their baby. I know the sounds that my insulin pump and meters make. I don’t get them confused with other alarms, dings, and noises of everyday life. And since I’m usually not surrounded by other pump wearing diabetics, I know that the beeps are for me. That is until I go to a diabetes event. What a strange phenomenon it is to be surrounded by dozens of other diabetics. My beeps become lost in a sea of similar noises, mixing with the sounds of countless other pumps and meters. My unique identifier becomes a unifying force, a sound signifying a shared experience.

My contribution to this year’s mosaic mural

The past two weekends I’ve had the pleasure of attending 2 different JDRF walks, one in Chicago and one in Ann Arbor/Dexter. In Chicago, I was volunteering with an amazing organization called Project S.N.A.P, collecting artworks drawn at the walk by T1Ds, their families, and their friends to become part of a giant mosaic mural. You can read more about my experiences with Project S.N.A.P in this post, or on their website. The second walk I attended as a representative of the Young Leaders Committee of my local JDRF chapter. It was the second JDRF walk that I’ve ever attended as a walker.

I attended my local diabetes walk with my mom. The walk was in a beautiful Metropark, the path winding through trees with changing colored leaves. Although it was raining, it was still a beautiful and enjoyable walk. At one point my mom turned to me and asked if I was sad/upset that we didn’t really do these walks when I was growing up. I wasn’t mad. Mostly because I knew that my family always supported me. The walk that day was a perfect example. Knowing that I wanted to go to the event, my mom skipped her normal Sunday plans to wake up early and drive 45 minutes to walk in the rain with me.

But even though I am not upset, I know that I did miss out on some amazing experiences. When I looked around at the walks, I saw teams sometimes with 10-30 people all there for one special type 1 diabetic. They were there showing their support by physically coming together, by putting on their team t-shirt with their creative names and bright colors, and spending the morning dedicated to that one child with diabetes. I can only imagine how special that child must feel. Yes, they were being singled out because of their diabetes, but in a positive way. For at least one day each year, that child isn’t alone in their experiences. They aren’t the only child with diabetes. They are able to come together and see other children just like them, to meet and talk with them.

My parents had their own reasons for not pushing to go each year, but I know that if I had expressed an interest to attend these walks when I was younger, that we would have gone. Perhaps I didn’t know at the time what I was missing out on. I was content with the support from my friends and family and with the few other diabetics that I knew.  But these past two weekends while I stood in a sea of other diabetics, I heard those beeps, my beeps. And while it was confusing and odd to hear them, each beep seemed to say “You. are. not. alone. beep. We. are. in. this. together. beep.”

It was the melody of hope, of support, and of all the efforts to find a cure.

Strange Familiarity

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Over 1000 people filled the performance center, all of us sitting with our eyes focused on the dancers on the stage. No one was talking, no one was on their phone, everyone was staring straight ahead.

I had gone with my parents to see a contemporary dance performance by a professional dance company that was touring. It was the middle of the second dance, about an hour into the show. I started to look around at the audience instead of the dancers moving across the stage. What are all of these people thinking in this very moment? Here we all are, physically in the same space, listening to the same music, watching the same dancers, yet each of our experiences could be completely different. Unlike a play or a movie, there isn’t a real plot. While the dances are open to interpretation and inspired by different things, there isn’t a narrative to follow. What I feel and think watching these dancers could be completely different from the person next to me.

Hubbard Street Dance Chicago
Image from TimeOutChicago.com

My mind had been racing the entire show. My thoughts drifted from the dancers and my fascination with their strong bodies and graceful movements, to thinking about the different relationships in my life at the moment: the ones I had, the ones that I wanted, and the ones that I had and didn’t want.

I looked around again. How many people in the audience were thinking about a fight that they had earlier? How many people were there celebrating some happy occasion? Who was dragged there by a significant other? I looked up at the dancers, moving perfectly together, each movement beautifully synchronized. I wondered if anyone in the audience had been moved to tears.

Feeling nostalgic, I thought about all the times in the past few years that I had been sitting in those very same seats watching this same dance company. I reflected on all the ways that my life had changed in those years, from where I lived, who I was dating, and whether I was in school. But I also considered all the ways that it was still the same. My mind then drifted to the current transitions that I’m going through and the uncertainties and anxiety surrounding them.

Then I felt it. The familiar feeling. My blood sugar was dropping. Waiting until the applause between dances, I opened the crinkling plastic of my fruit snack, pouring the contents out into my hand. It was a process that I had mastered over the years, sneaking fruit snacks while making as little noise as possible.

A lot has changed in my life, and a lot more is in the process of changing. But as I chewed my fruit snacks and admired the dancers, I found a strange comfort in the familiarity of my diabetes.