A sticky situation

“I am rubber, you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if some things did stick though? (Mean words excluded).

Sticky generally isn’t a term that I would use to describe humans, yet the ability for foreign objects to stick to my body has become a very important aspect of my life. Nothing is worse than spending the time to fill, insert, and adhere a pump infusion set or sensor to your body only to have it fall off before its time because the tape failed to do its job…to stick.

Shortly after starting on my CGM, I invested in some heavy duty tape to put over the sensor so that it would stick longer. I had that roll of tape for close to 2 years before it finally ran out. And for the most part it was great, it definitely allowed my sensor to stay attached to my body longer. However, after some time, the tape would really start to itch! And the only way to get relief was eventually ripping the tape and subsequently the sensor off. And then often I’d have a rash around where the tape was for a few days. While in hindsight I realize I didn’t really need to finish the roll before getting something new, I did anyways.

IMG_9557This time around I did my research and found a tape that would hold, but wouldn’t cause a rash. I read countless websites and blogs and finally found one that I thought would work. It’s made from a fabric material and coated with hypoallergenic adhesive. The tape is called Hypafix. I have to say all in all, I’m super impressed with it.

Pros:

  • It sticks! It’s been holding just as long as my old tape if not longer, lasting in the 2 week range.
  • Feels good. It’s super soft and flexible.
  • Less rashes. I’m not getting the same kinds of rashes. I admit it still does itch after some time, but it’s not as bad and isn’t leaving a lasting rash.
  • Easy removal. I’m able to remove the piece of tape from over my sensor without pulling the sensor tape off too. This allows me to replace the tape more easily.

Cons:

  • Slow drying. Since it’s fabric, after a shower it stays wet longer and occasionally I find a wet spot on my shirt from pressing against the tape.
  • Still itches. See above about still being a little itchy. But usually it happens around the time that I should be replacing the sensor anyways.

So yay for new tape!

Continuing with the theme of sticky things…I decided that my CGM and sensor could use a new look. I’ve always really loved the idea of Pump Peelz, awesome adhesive covers for insulin pumps and other diabetes accessories. They come in tons of different designs, it was hard to choose just one! I still want to get one for my pump too! I have to say, I definitely enjoy looking at my CGM a little more now (even when I don’t like the number I see).

 

The CGM Courtship

For the most part my continuous glucose monitor, Gigi, and I are inseparable. We’re attached at the hip, well technically more like the lower abdomen. Over the years, I’ve noticed that Gigi and my relationship has fallen into a pattern. As far as relationships go, it may not be the most functional relationship, but it is consistent. And by being predictable, I’ve learned how to make it work for both of us.

Mine and Gigi’s relationship cycles about every 2 weeks. And while the overall nature of the relationship may be the same, each encounter is slightly different.

Day 1: We meet. Again.

3a318-photo11Sometimes it’s been a while since we’ve  last seen each other, other times only a couple of hours. This first encounter has gone many different ways. Sometimes it’s smooth and painless. We connect effortlessly. Other times, it’s awkward and hurtful. On a few occasions, we have to start completely over, the discomfort and inadequate connection too much to bear. But eventually we make it through this initial introduction.

Day 2-4: The courtship.

These first few days together I’m optimistic, yet cautious. I can tell Gigi is trying to give me what I need, but she can’t completely be trusted yet. Our connection still new, we’re still out of sync. These days are spent aligning our desires. When Gigi tells me something, I often have to verify with another source. But these calibrations make us stronger together.

Day 5-11: The sweet spot.78db7-photo39

With time, we hit a groove. We’re in sync. We become completely trusting of each other. We are one. When Gigi tells me I’m low or high, I believe it. Gigi’s screen reflecting what I feel, the beeps and vibrates warning me of danger. I can count on Gigi to be there for me, to be fully present and connected.

Day 12-14: The beginning of the end.

Like any relationship, aspects of Gigi start to become annoyances. Gigi becomes a physical itch that can never quite be scratched, never feeling gratified in my efforts to find the comfort I once had. The beauty of our connection begins to fade, the tape that once held us together, no longer sticking. My distrust of Gigi starts to return. Sometimes Gigi just disappears for no reason, replaced by a signal reminding me that our connection is breaking and out of range. Other times, we don’t seem to be communicating at all, Gigi completely mystified and communicates only with ???. And the lies! Gigi tells me I’m low- 55, but I feel fine. When I check my other source it says I’m 155, how can this be?! But it’s not all bad. There are stretches when Gigi is perfectly normal, and its for this reason that I can’t bring myself to end things quite yet.

Day 15ish: The break up.

Finally, it all becomes too much. The distrust, the lies, the disappearing. Gigi can no longer be counted on display the truth and be depended on when I need it. The physical discomfort grows. So I do it. I rip the tape off in one decisive yank and end things once and for all. The redness on my skin remains as the memory of the past 2 weeks fade. For a moment I savor the unattached freedom. But this feeling is fleeting, already I miss the valuable insights that Gigi gives me. I miss the comfort of always knowing where I stand, I miss the control that Gigi affords me. I miss Gigi.

And so it begins again.

Day 1: …

 

A day in the life

Some days I’m surprised I get anything done with how preoccupied I am thinking about my blood sugar.

BGchart

Blackout

I know better than to compare a fictional story to real life. But yet I found myself doing just that, trying to comprehend the experiences of a character that were so foreign to me, but unfortunately probably familiar to many others. In the book, the character is an alcoholic, often drinking so much to help her cope with life that she blacks out. Multiple times she wakes with a feeling of guilt, knowing that she did something wrong, something embarrassing, something out of character, but not being able to remember what she did.

“I wake with a crushing sensation of wrongness, of shame, and I know immediately that I’ve done something stupid,” she says.

I’m not going to get into the struggle and devastation that alcoholism can cause for the person and those around them. That is not what this post is at all about. What I do want to focus on is the fact that what troubled this character was the need to remember these missing memories so that she could take full ownership of them and their consequences. Without being able to remember what the character had done during those missing hours, she felt unable to take responsibility for her actions and to feel fully accountable.

As she says, ” I know what I’m responsible for, I know all the terrible things I’ve done, even if I don’t remember the details- but I feel distanced from those actions. I feel them at one remove.”

Why did this aspect of the book strike me so much? It’s not like I could relate to the character. In fact, I think it was exactly my inability to relate to the situation that stuck with me. It’s not that I haven’t made mistakes that I’ve felt guilty for. I’ve regretted or questioned decisions, but I’ve always been able to remember what led to them and fully take responsibility for them. And until I read this book, I’ve completely taken this simple fact for granted. While we do make mistakes and have regrets, we are still in control of our actions. When you take responsibility for what you’ve done, you can learn from it, put it behind you, and move forward.

A couple months ago, I made some changes to my lifestyle. I started following a nutrition and exercise plan. And for 2 months I stuck with it for the  most part. I saw changes in the way my body looked, I lost a little weight, I became leaner and stronger, and my A1c dropped, I felt good. And then the holidays came. With the countless holiday parties, eating more meals out, going on a cruise, and being off my normal schedule, I started making less healthy decisions. I ordered dessert, I snacked into the evening, I ate the fries instead of switching to a healthier side, I grazed through parties eating even though I wasn’t hungry. I got off track.

About a week ago, I woke up in the morning full of regret. On my CGM was proof of the decisions I made the night before, my entire night dancing above the 180 line, dipping and rising. My stomach not quite itself, I knew I was still feeling the effects of my earlier choices. But unlike the character in the book, I remembered what led me to this point. I could recall the unhealthy decisions that I had made. But instead of feeling defeated, I felt empowered! Because by knowing what got me to this point, I also know what I can do differently next time. I can prevent this feeling. Your memories and emotions, as negative as they might be, don’t need to be what holds you back, they can be motivators to propel you forward.

This past week, I got back out my nutrition plan and started fresh. I know that I’ll slip up from time to time, but I’m on the right path. And the regret that I felt, while not desirable, was a catalyst to get me back on a healthy path, and for that, I can’t regret my regret.

A visit from Low Monster

I had a rough night last night.

Sometime in the middle of the night I could hear a loud beeeeep beeeeeep beeeeep coming from my purse, but I thought it was part of my dream. When I finally woke up and looked at GiGi, all it said was LOW, too low for the number to display. I immediately ate a pack of fruit snacks and tested my blood sugar. It was 42.

That’s when the hunger set in. This ravenous hunger, fueled by an evolutionary response to the body’s lack of sugar. In my half asleep, low state, I got up and headed for the kitchen.

Let me give you a glimpse into what was going through my head. At this point, my mind seemed to split into two distinct personalities: there was the irrational, hunger driven side, we’ll call it the Low Monster. Then there was the health-conscious, rational, concerned voice, we’ll call this side Reason.

The time: 1 am

The place: the kitchen

Low Monster: You’re low! Need sugar! There’s the cookie you hid from yourself. Find the cookie!

Reason: Well, I guess that’s okay, but just have half of it.

Low Monster: Takes a bite. Pauses. Eats other half of cookie.

cookie monster eating sesame street cookie

Reason: 

RuPaul's Drag Race no rupauls drag race what rupaul

Low Monster: I’m still hungry!! I need more!

Reason: Okay, okay. Skinny Pop popcorn, that’s pretty healthy and pretty low in carbs. I’ll find my smallest bowl and fill it up so I don’t go overboard.

Low Monster: Finds smallest bowl. Takes a handful of popcorn and puts it in the bowl. Takes another handful of popcorn and puts it directly in mouth. Adds another handful to the bowl while simultaneously eating another handful.  

eating orange is the new black oitnb stuffing susan fischer

What?? I filled the bowl…

Reason: Ughh really? Was that necessary? Are we done now?

ryan reynolds ugh annoyed eye roll

Low Monster: I’m really hot, why am I so hot? I think I just need a few frozen grapes to cool off.

Reason:

veep seriously dont

Low Monster: Too late.

oops dr house tvshow

Reason: Well I probably didn’t need all the extra food I just ate, I should give just a little bit of insulin so my blood sugar doesn’t sky rocket.

I finally made it back to bed and eventually fell back asleep. Three hours later I heard it again, beeeep beeeeep beeeep. Sure enough I was low again. I obviously didn’t need the extra insulin I had given. I treated that low with fruit snacks and tried to fall back asleep.

I’d like to say that this was the end of the lows for the day, but over the course of the next 12 hours, I would go low 5 times. Luckily, Low Monster seemed to have stayed asleep and these subsequent lows were treated with a little more Reason and decorum.

IMG_9067

Some days are good. Others not so much. But luckily tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully with a few less lows.

Putting a voice to 29.1 million

I remember when I first got my insulin pump at age 13. I had all these ideas about how they could make it better (one of them being putting Tetris on it so it could at least be used for something fun). I remember wondering if they ever asked someone with diabetes what they want their pump to be able to do and look like. It seemed like such an obvious step.

This idea of consumer/patient/community input and collaboration was a recurring theme during my Masters in Public Health program. You want someone to adopt a behavior, use a product, change their habits, you need their input and their buy-in to know if what you’re proposing is truly meeting their needs. Advisory boards, community meetings, and focus groups were written into imaginary program proposals, outlining needs and demonstrating how participant feedback would inform the program and increase engagement and adoption. On paper it all looked wonderful.

Then I entered the real world.

Working for a major consumer health company, I learned that the real world doesn’t always operate the way you learn about in school. I write content for health coaching programs on a variety of topics, some that I’m familiar with, some that I’m not. Ideally, when we work on a program about chronic pain or depression or insomnia, we’d be able to talk with real people who live with these conditions and really understand their daily struggles, emotions, and obstacles. But unfortunately that’s not always possible. There are short deadlines to meet. There are budget constraints. There are privacy concerns, technological limitations, and other barriers that stand in the way.

Working alongside subject matter experts, behavioral scientists, and medical professionals, we often turn to patient stories found through blogs just like this one along with research to create personas that we use in developing our programs. People’s personal blogs give us a small glimpse into the life of someone living with the condition or issues that we’re writing about. Through their own thoughts and words, they paint a picture of what it’s like to live with an anxiety disorder, a binge eating disorder, COPD, fibromyalgia, etc. Their blogs bring awareness to issues that you may not read about in medical journals or CDC reports. It takes it to a personal level. It puts a face, a voice, a story to a condition. And while we still test our health programs with the people they apply to, these blogs provide valuable insight early in the process and helps us to write not just to “people with heart disease” but to Dave, a 53 year old software developer with 2 sons who after experiencing shortness of breath on a family trip, went to see his doctor who told him he had heart failure.

This month is Diabetes Awareness Month. I’ve been thinking about what exactly I want to bring awareness to and why. And what I’ve decided is that there isn’t one thing I want to say, it’s everything. It’s this entire blog. It’s my life. I don’t know who reads this blog or why. I don’t know what people are taking away from it. But I hope that there are people out there like me, who for whatever reason are tasked with learning about a disease that they are unfamiliar with and in addition to getting the statistics, the symptoms, and the treatments that they find on other websites, that they also get a glimpse into what it’s like to live with the disease. I hope they walk away with a story, with a sense of the emotions that are involved, and leave just a little more informed about what living with type 1 diabetes actually looks like.

There are 29.1 million people in the United States with Diabetes. Of those people, 1.25 million have type 1 diabetes. I am one of those people. And this Diabetes Awareness Month, and every month, I want people to be able to put a voice to even just one of those numbers.

T1D Looks Like Me

Change is hard

I’m going to tell you something that you already know. It’s something that I’m sure you’ve all experienced first hand.

Change is hard.

And you know what changes are especially hard? Health changes. Doing something that may be unpleasant or unfavorable in the short term to benefit you in the long term. We all know that we’re supposed to eat healthy, but if given the choice, most people would still choose the dessert or chips over the steamed broccoli. Whether it’s losing weight, eating healthier, becoming more physically fit, quitting smoking, becoming a better self-manager of a condition, or any other positive health change, even getting to the point of change is hard, let alone taking action. But these changes are worth the struggle.

Making health changes and sticking with them require a certain amount of motivation and confidence. You have to have the desire to change, but also the confidence that you can stick with it. It helps to have not only an end goal, but also a deeper value that your change is helping you live up to.

If making a health change wasn’t hard enough, it’s likely you’re going to face obstacles that try to undermine your resolve and your progress. It could be in the form of tempting situations, circumstances that are out of your control, or even people who intentionally or unintentionally sabotage your best efforts.

Alright, I’m going to take this out of the abstract and get personal. About a week and a half ago I decided to start a new fitness and nutrition program. That decision was immediately met with skepticism and opposition, mostly by those close to me. What they thought was maybe supportive behavior could be seen as the opposite.

“You don’t need to lose weight, you’re beautiful just as you are.”

“You already know how to eat healthy, what’s that program going to tell you that you don’t already know?”

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the intent of these comments, they come from a very loving place, but in terms of the decision I already made, they weren’t quite the types of supportive statements I was looking for.

My motivation for joining the program was about more than purely losing weight. I joined the program because when I pulled on my fall clothes, I noticed that my pants were getting harder to button and my shirts weren’t fitting the way they were last year. I joined the program because I was getting a lot of stomach aches and wanted to feel better. I joined the program because I thought that changing my diet to be filled with more unprocessed, healthy foods with less carbs would help me stabilize my blood sugars and maybe be just the change I need to finally get my A1c out of the 7’s. And ultimately with more stabilized blood sugars, I can help reduce my risk for future complications, a worry that is always lingering in the back of my mind. For me, my decision is about way more than just losing weight, but you don’t always have 5 minutes to explain your motivations when you’re turning down a piece of birthday cake or a drink at the bar. But whatever your reason, recognize that you’re doing something great for yourself and that’s what really matters.

If someone is on a journey of personal growth or health, our job isn’t to test their discipline, or to make assumptions about their reasons for wanting to change. People’s reasons are often personal and complex. Instead, our job is to support them and be there for them however they see fit. And if you aren’t sure how to best support them, ask. Maybe they need someone to hold them accountable, maybe they need a person to vent to, or maybe the best way you can support them is by keeping quiet. But the only way to know is to ask. A simple conversation helped to turn my skeptics into strong supporters who now understand my deeper motivation and reasons for my health changes.

Change is hard. Let’s all be part of what makes change possible rather than what stands in its way.

Stress and a Pouch

How does your stress influence your diabetes and vice versa?

It’s a question that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. Why? I was invited by my friend who teaches an undergraduate class on the Psychology of Stress and Relaxation to come and speak to the class. They’re currently talking about the psychophysiology of stress and the relationship between stress and illness/chronic conditions. I was invited to share my personal experiences with diabetes and stress.

I actually have a lot to say on the topic, but as I was writing up my talking points, I realized that a lot of the stress that I have around my diabetes is this underlying constant stress. It’s the every day worry about my blood sugar control, dealing with the highs and lows, worrying about the long term complications, coping with the unknowns and unexpectedness of the disease. It’s the stress of constant vigilance, alertness, and preparedness.

And as I’ve lived with diabetes longer, what may have originally caused more stress and anxiety, is now just part of what it means to live with diabetes.

But of course, the day before I am scheduled to talk with the class, I had a truly stressful, out-of-the-norm experience.

I keep all the supplies that I need to change my infusion set in a small blue pouch. Inside I keep a couple reservoirs, infusion sets, the inserter, a vial of insulin, test strips and a couple batteries for my pump. I usually keep the pouch in my work bag or workout bag and take it with me for any overnight stays or long days away from my apartment. In the 15 years I’ve had diabetes, I’ve never lost or misplaced this vitally important pouch….until today.

I was busy getting my bags ready for work this morning, I knew I would be running out of insulin sometime during work today so I made sure my blue diabetes supply pouch was packed. However I couldn’t find it. I searched frantically through all my bags, my closet, all around my room and apartment. I went out of my car, no luck. Inside I was mildly panicked, but I remembered that I had taken the pouch in my boyfriend’s car on Saturday so I thought maybe I had left it there. It was 8 am on Tuesday. I’m going out of town on Thursday so if it truly was lost, I would need to have a new inserter overnight shipped to me so that I would have it before I left town.

I sent my boyfriend about 6 frantic texts. But as expected, he didn’t answer. It just so happened that my boyfriend had the day off today and I was sure that he was sleeping in. Since he keeps his phone silenced in a different room, I knew he wouldn’t answer my texts or calls until he woke up…whenever that would be.

IMG_8542So I waited anxiously for him to awaken. And waited, and waited. Finally at 11 am he woke up to my texts and calls.

“It’s not here.”

After making sure that he had thoroughly searched his car and apartment, I was ready to place the order and pay the extra cost for the inserter to be shipped overnight.

“I’m going to your apartment to look. You probably didn’t look that well since you were in a rush this morning.”

How could I say no to such a generous offer? However now I was really starting to worry that the inserter wouldn’t ship in time to get here by tomorrow if I had to order it. “Hurry!”

I waited anxiously for some good news.

“Wtf it’s not here.”

Ugh. My finger was hovering over the “place order” button online. With that confirmation, I clicked the button. I thanked my boyfriend for his thoughtfulness and his attempt to find it. It was unfortunate to have to pay $15 in shipping, but hey, you have to do what you have to do for your health.

Literally 2 minutes later…

“Omg” “I found it!”

Of course. Turns out, as my boyfriend was leaving, he almost tripped on a random paper bag on the floor and felt something inside. Sure enough, the blue pouch was inside the paper bag. I must have thrown it in there when I was getting out of his car over the weekend and completely forgot about it. I was so relieved! I needed that inserter to be able to change my set and now I wouldn’t have to worry about it getting here on time.

I kept the other order so I would have a back up so I could avoid a future situation like this, but called the company and had it changed to the free standard shipping.

Talk about a stressful morning though! At least I have a story to tell tomorrow to the class!

To fast or not to fast?

Yesterday was Yom Kippur or “Day of Atonement”, one of the holiest days in Judaism. On this days, Jews around the world atone for their sins and ask forgiveness from those they have wronged over the year and from God.

One of the traditions of Yom Kippur is fasting. The idea is that you are afflicting the body and soul with an act of self-denial as you repent for your past sins. One is meant to put aside physical desires and instead focus on spiritual needs through prayer, repentance, and self-improvement.

While the Yom Kippur fast is an important ritual, it is never at the sake of jeopardizing one’s health and so Jewish law says that people who cannot fast for health or other reasons, should not fast.

Now this post isn’t meant to pass judgement on anyone’s traditions, beliefs, or decisions. I completely respect and understand anyone’s decision to fast or not fast, regardless of health reasons. I respect the manner in which anyone observes this holiday or their choice not to. This post isn’t about anyone else besides me. It’s about my own personal experiences and struggle.

That being said, I’ve always had a hard time not fasting on Yom Kippur. Over the years I’ve tried many different techniques. Some years I fasted as long as I could until I dropped low and then broke the fast. Other years I intentionally let my blood sugar run high for the day so I wouldn’t drop low. Some years I didn’t fast at all. And while I knew that having type 1 diabetes “excused” me from fasting, I approached this Yom Kippur with an uneasy feeling and internal struggle.

Why was I so conflicted? After all, Jewish law is very clear that not fasting for health reasons is not only completely acceptable, but encouraged. After giving it some thought, I came to the conclusion that it came down to two main points.

  1. To me, I didn’t want it to appear like I was using my diabetes as an excuse, or a way out of something undesirable. I’ve been very careful my whole life to not use my diabetes as an excuse for special privileges when they weren’t necessary or to let my diabetes stop me from doing something that I wanted to do.
  2.  While I know this is not really the case, I could never shake this feeling that somehow I was missing an essential component of this holy day by not fasting, that I wasn’t fully experiencing it in the way that I should.

With this knowledge of where my struggle was coming from, I went on a search for something that could help me come to a sense of inner peace and acceptance over this issue. The internet is a great place, and with a little searching, I came across two websites that had just what I needed to hear.

The first came from Everyday Health and was an article on Fasting Safely With Diabetes. In it, there’s a quote that says, “In the Jewish religion, it is considered a mitzvah (a good deed) if one must eat for health reasons.” What was most striking is the idea that eating for health reasons is not just “acceptable” but is actually a good deed!

The second confirming text came from an article from aish.com in the Ask the Rabbi section about Eating on Yom Kippur. The article stated, “Just as on Yom Kippur it is a mitzvah to fast, in certain circumstances the mitzvah is to eat on Yom Kippur. Even if the person wants to fast like everyone else, God sometimes gives a unique test- in this case to eat on Yom Kippur, to remain healthy and serve God.”

What I took from this article was this idea that for people who are healthy, fasting is their challenge. But for me, someone who would really like to participate by fasting but shouldn’t, my challenge is actually eating on Yom Kippur. My test is different, but not inferior, it is still a mitzvah!

Finally after many years, I began to understand my situation differently. To see that my participation in this holy day may be different, but is not any less meaningful. Not fasting on Yom Kippur is truly one of the few things that I’ve had accept that I can’t really do with my diabetes. But this year and from here forward, I embrace this fact.  When I was able to come to a place of inner acceptance, I knew that I would be able to defend my decision to not fast not by feeling inferior, but by feeling proud!

But fasting or not, I still love the break fast food!IMG_8413

On the floor

It was Saturday afternoon. My boyfriend was on a mission to make banana bread with the ripened bananas that he had been collecting. I had finished a 27 mile charity bike ride a couple hours earlier and really just felt like lying on the couch relaxing, but I agreed to be in charge of mashing the bananas. It felt like a job I could handle.

imageI sat down at the table with my bowl of bananas. Suddenly something didn’t feel right. I got up from the table and sat down in the reclining chair. I checked my CGM, it still said 80 but I knew that couldn’t be right. I tested my finger: 63. Hm yea that made more sense.

I ate a pack of fruit snacks, assuming all would be fine soon.

But I was wrong.

Rather than starting to feel better, I felt myself plummeting downward. The walls started to feel like they were closing in on me. My body felt heavy, my brain foggy.

“Are you okay?” my boyfriend asked from the kitchen.

“I need to lay on the floor.” I figured I should probably give him a heads up so he wouldn’t look over and see me on the floor and think that I had passed out.

I tested my blood sugar again. This time it said 42.

I got down on the floor, laying flat on the carpet. I know it’s weird, but with really bad lows, there’s something comforting about laying on the ground. I closed my eyes, willing this low to go away and my body to start feeling better.

My boyfriend got down on the floor next to me, putting his arm around me.

“This is a bad one.” I could hear the concern in his voice.

When I answered, my tongue was heavy and my words slurred together.

“Sometimes I forget that you’re diabetic.”

I was confused by this statement. “What? How? I talk about it all the time.” I managed to mumble back.

“Yea, but it’s just become so normal.”

It was an interesting and thought-provoking statement. A year ago, my boyfriend knew virtually nothing about type 1 diabetes. Today, my “normal” life has become part of his “normal” life, so much so that it took such a drastic and out of the ordinary low to remind him that I still do have a chronic disease that at times can be dangerous.

After about 15 minutes I started to feel better, my blood sugar hovering around 70. I got up off the floor.

“That was scary. I don’t like seeing you like that.”

“Yea. Me either.”

I’m glad that such a low is out of the ordinary, that fortunately I don’t experience many that are quite that bad. But lows like that are jarring shake back to reality, a reality where scary situations like that are not entirely outside of the realm of my “normal”. Even if sometimes I, and those close to me, forget that they are.

I went back to mashing bananas for the banana bread, doing my best to return to “normal”.