Being a cyborg

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Reva

Maybe I’ve been watching too many comic book and sci-fi movies/shows lately, but I’ve come to the realization that technically, I’m kind of a cyborg thanks to my insulin pump.

Well first, I had to look up the actual definition:

Cyborg– noun
1.
a person whose physiological functioning is aided by or dependent upon a mechanical or electronic device.

My physiological functioning is dependent on my insulin pump essentially acting as my pancreas. And while it’s technically not built into my body (maybe it will be in the future), it’s still attached at all (well, most) times. But upon reading other definitions, most cyborgs’s mechanical or electronic device allows their physical abilities to extended beyond normal human limitations. While my insulin pump makes my diabetes much easier to manage, it’s still not the same as an actual working pancreas and so it probably wouldn’t qualify in that sense.

But that’s not the aspect of the pump that I want to focus on today. Instead, let’s talk about one small feature of it, the light.

My insulin pump has a button that turns on the screen’s back light. This makes it easier to give insulin in the dark. But its uses extend beyond merely giving insulin. I essentially have a built in flashlight at all times.

When I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I turn on the light and use it to guide me through the dark. Unlike the jarring light from a phone, the brightness doesn’t rouse me from my slumbered state.

My reliance on my light is most apparent when the battery in my pump needs to be replaced and the function stops working. I stumble through the darkness to the bathroom, cursing myself for not replacing the battery when I first noticed it was low. No matter where I am, a dark movie theater, my bedroom, or even a cave, this light is always available (and connected) to me, allowing me to illuminate the darkness. It extends my abilities beyond normal human limitations.

In many ways, my type 1 diabetes has essentially given me both physically and metaphorically, a light in the darkness.

It’s the little things

Posted on March 8, 2016 by Reva

The sense of accomplishment is a wonderful feeling. And the great thing about it, you can experience it at multiple levels, from big life events and feats that take months or years to complete to everyday occurrences.

What I want to focus on today are life’s small tasks and acts that still give you that empowering sense of accomplishment. These events may not require the same level of work or commitment as the larger accomplishments, but the feeling you get is still one to be relished.

Parallel parking on the first try. Oh man, I’m so awful at parallel parking that any time that I don’t have to repeatedly pull forward and back to get into the spot is a huge accomplishment.
Putting together furniture. I know there are directions and IKEA furniture is not supposed to be all that difficult to assemble, but after the hours that it inevitably ends up taking, it feels so good to stare at the finished piece!
Checking off everything on a to-do list. How amazing does it feel to not only get to cross something off your to-do list, but to finish every task or errand that you planned for yourself in a day?!
Finishing a book. While sometimes it’s hard to get to the end of a book and say goodbye to the characters you’ve become attached to, it feels good to close the cover for the last time.
Getting your email inbox down to a reasonable number. I’m someone who constantly lets my email inbox to get upwards of 5,000 emails. I may open an email, but then I don’t delete it or categorize it, it just sits there. The few times that I’ve actually gone through and sorted or deleted each email to get that number down to the hundreds has made me feel so much more organized and on top of things.
Trying a new recipe and having it come out amazing. There’s always that slight risk of trying a new recipe, whether you’re cooking a meal or baking a dessert, that you fail miserably and end up with something inedible. So to have a new recipe turn out to be delicious is quite an achievement.
Sticking to what’s only on a grocery list. A grocery store can be a minefield of tempting treats and when you’re trying to eat healthy, it can be hard to resist all the delicious, but unhealthy foods. Any time that I can get in and out and only get the foods on my list, I leave feeling very proud.
Improving your workout. Whether it’s beating my time, upping my reps, nailing a new yoga pose, or using heavier weights, it feels so good to workout a little harder than the time before.
Laundry. Seriously any time I do my laundry I feel incredibly accomplished after. It’s just one of those things.
Bolusing perfectly for a complicated meal. This past weekend I went out for pizza and then after, went to a birthday party where I indulged in cake and ice cream. The whole time I kept expecting my blood sugar to spike, but to my surprise and Isuppose credit, my blood sugar stayed stable and in range! It was such an awesome surprise and made me feel so good about my carb counting and bolusing that night.
I love when it stays between the lines

Can I have a re-do?

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Reva

I often dread my endocrinologist appointments. But at the same time, I’m thankful for the 4 appointments each year. They’re forced moments of reflection, confrontation, and adjustment. Before each appointment, I consider how things are going. I know if the past 3 months have been good or bad. If it hasn’t been a good 3 months, it’s a time to confront myself and delve into why my numbers have been high or low or just all over the place. Sometimes it’s my own self-management habits that have slipped, other times it’s factors that are out of my control like getting sick. Then based on how things are going, I make adjustments along with my doctor and move forward.

Today was one of those appointments that I just wanted to get over with. The past month and a half has been rough. My numbers have been running high consistently. Between getting a pretty horrible cold that lingered, having to go on steroids for the sickness, stress from a breakup, adjusting to time changes of traveling, and then just a weird couple weeks where it seemed like my insulin wasn’t working as it normally does, I knew my doctor would be looking at some pretty awful numbers at our appointment.

Part of me is disappointed. I don’t like to be this off track. I don’t like knowing that I’m potentially doing lasting damage to my body, that I’m increasing my risk of complications. But I also know that life happens. There’s a lot that I can’t control and those events may unfortunately impact my health by way of my blood sugar. All I can do is my best to try to manage the consequences.

Diabetes is a chronic disease. It means that as of right now, I’m stuck with it for the long haul, it’s not going anywhere. And as much as I get caught up in these mini 3 month sprints between appointments, there’s a bigger picture. Three months is not very long when you look at a lifetime. And shit happens. There will be highs and lows in life just as there are in my blood sugar. I admit, I’ve had other things on my mind lately besides my diabetes and I’m sure that’s played a part. But I can’t control everything that happens, at some some point you have to let go and just do the best you can within your circumstances.

So yea, I’m not thrilled about this appointment and the past few months. But unfortunately there’s no re-do’s or rewinds with a chronic condition. What’s done is done. Now, I’m putting aside my excuses and focusing on moving forward.